…..so freakin' bad!!!

Reflections of a fat man…..

All I see is a fat man when the real content lies within him......

Hello.  My name is Pono and I want to be a skinnyaire.  Have you ever felt so uncomfortable in your skin that it feels like everyone you come across is thin, beautiful, and happier than they’ve ever been?  I have.  In fact, going to a gym is one of the worst experiences I can have.  Why, you ask?  Because everyone you work out next to is where you want to be right now.  You are the fat person in the gym or on the road walking or in the store shopping.  It feels like a million eyes are on you, probably scheming against your “fatness”  and coming up with legitimate reasons I don’t belong in the gym with them starting with the fact that I am fat!  Hold the press!  Isn’t that bassackwards thinking?  The chubby, pleasantly plump, over-indulgent, hefty, husky, beefy, voluptuous, and horizontally challenged folks belong in the gym or on the road or in their home doing cardio with Bob Harper just as much as the muscular, toned, beautiful people have a right to.  In fact, a little known fact……lots of those people weren’t always like that.  Many of them used to be us.  I even feel this way around my wife at times.  She is this slender, attractive woman and I feel like an old, awkward ox standing next to her.  I have days where I have a hard time approaching people I am so self-conscious.  Who would have thought being overweight could be so debilitating for some of us?  I never thought…..until now.  

Battle of our Lives

We are all in this together.  I am inviting you into my personal, private life of emotions and thought

I can't let my thoughts keep me from the fun and healthy things in life......

processes so you can better understand a different perspective of the weightier side of humanity.  The reality that underneath this shell of layered lipids, we find the core of human life, a soul.  How many times have I passed judgement on a book’s cover only to be gravely mistaken as to the worth that lay within the pages of that literary wonder?  No matter if it be of a different color or smell or even religion, how many times have I been guilty, myself, of this heinous act of falsely judging a person?  I consider myself very accepting of all people and have a lot of love for people in general. Yet, categorizing ourselves comes so naturally it sneaks its way into our psyche with such subtlety, it literally clouds our judgement of right and wrong with imperceptible tiny deviations in our thinking patterns making the unacceptable acceptable.  This is the battle we are waging.  I must first learn to love myself and see myself with respect if this is going to work.  Many times we live and treat our bodies the way we view ourselves….unworthy of dignity and refinement.  Wherever these thoughts have come from, it is time to change our mind and CHOOSE to be happy and CHOOSE to do what is right and CHOOSE to treat ourselves with a little respect.

I, Pono, give myself permission…….

I choose today to be better at eating a better range of food that will aid me in achieving my weight-loss goal.  I choose to workout daily, and even twice daily or as many times as it presents itself to take advantage of the opportunities.  I choose to have more positive self-talk sessions with myself and let me know I am worth it.  If any of you read this post and agree or are struggling with the same things, drop me a line.  I choose to be even better than before from here on out.

My goal in one year!


5 responses

  1. I, too, am with you… I will be following along.

    September 25, 2011 at 9:10 pm

  2. jordan

    Yes people always judge a book by its cover. It is human nature. But I know who you are and I couldnt have been blessed with a better older brother! You are a beacon in my life, Kalipono. You always have and always will be…So keep on shining!

    September 26, 2011 at 1:56 am

  3. Hi Pono, you sound like a great guy to me. Here’s my tuppeny worth. When we beat the shite out of ourselves about something we reinforce it, I’m sure a rocket scientist will work out why one day. In the meantime live life, and enjoy those kids while they are still young, they grow up way too fast.

    October 4, 2011 at 10:21 pm

  4. Hi Pono! I know how frustrating working out to achieve your goals can be. One thing to keep in mind is that weight loss is 80% nutrition, 10% exercise, and 10% genetics. The odd thing about that is that genetics can be altered with nutrition. The mere fact that you want to be healthy and get the weight off is a great start! As for looking like that guy in the picture, he’s a great motivation with one caveat: you’re an attractive man so why would you want to look like someone else? Your muscle structure may not be like that, just ask my husband. He has a tendency to admire someone’s physique but his own resembles that of a tall, skinny basketball players. Now, he has not always looked like that. He started his weight loss journey at about 270 lbs, 2 years ago; he hovers in the 180’s now. You CAN do this and you WILL get there. If you need help, ask for it. Ask your wife to be supportive and encourage your beautiful children to make healthier choices when it comes to food. You can always ask me for help too. I, along with my husband, are just a phone call away. Take your weight loss one day at a time. Don’t beat yourself up if you have some chips or a donut. Email me when you have that urge. My email is MFT.doc2011@gmail.com. Please don’t forget that we are in this together and here to support each other. Hugs!


    October 16, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    • YEs. Working out definitely has its ups and downs. Thank you for the comment and the words of inspiration and compliments. It gives me a boost of confidence. Good for your husband. Victory must be a sweet savory thing. I try to be victorious daily with something I do toward my weightloss. I know with support and determination, my image in my head of myself will come to fruition……..thanks for writing……pono

      October 18, 2011 at 5:59 pm

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